when this is over

 

I have to admit that this thought has run through my mind hundreds (thousands?) of times in the past 400+ days that we have self-quarantined in one way or another. When I just couldn't face making another breakfast, I would close my eyes and think about brunch, marvelous, delicious, heavenly brunch. Bellinis, crispy bacon, a delicate omelet with goat cheese, avocado toast drizzled with chili-infused olive oil, bright red, perfect strawberries the size of a baby's fist and lemon blueberry pancakes.  I would get happy just thinking to myself, "Oh, when this over, I am going to go on a tour of my favorite brunch spots. Soon. Soon."

I actually can't remember the last time I went out to brunch. I think maybe January, 2020? It isn't only brunch that I miss but flights. I miss the long six-hour flight from Seattle to Boston when I would relax, sip something sparkling and read Elin Hilderbrand's latest book about Nantucket. I would be offline for a glorious few hours and have nothing to do but think about what I would be doing when I landed in Massachusetts. I miss that. 

I miss dozens of things from watching Waverly gain confidence in swim class to the way she flings herself into the arms of her favorite people. I miss my favorite people too. 

And yet. 

There is something that happened that I will treasure for the rest of my life. I got to spend an  uninterrupted 400+ days with my toddler. Yes, toddlers are A LOT. The questions are non-stop all day. They LOVE a food so you buy it in bulk and the next day, they can't stand the food you now have enough of to feed an entire pre-school class. Still, I look at her face and I listen to her questions which make me see the world from her point of view. I am fascinated as I watch her grow and navigate her world, as limited as it is right now. 

In the normal world, my husband and I would have been on planes going somewhere around the world, either working or visiting family and friends. Instead, we have been limited to this house of ours. We slowed down. We ate breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We've built endless Magna-Tile towers. We've colored, painted and tended a garden. I've spent languid afternoons in our bed with Waverly in what is supposed to be a nap but turns into "chat chat chat" as she likes to call it. I tell her about moments in my life and what we will do in the future. Sometimes we fall asleep, Waverly's head tucked just under my chin. I listen to her steady toddler breathing and I drift off too only to wake up with a pudgy hand resting on my face. The love I have for this feral, fantastic, kind, sweet girl of mine is something I could never have imagined. 

As this pandemic winds down (hopefully!) I am looking forward to expanding Waverly's world again and going back to swim classes and flights to see our favorite people but for now, I hold this little one close to my heart and softly tell her that soon we will be diving into our favorite lemon-blueberry pancakes together. Soon, my sweet girl.