My favorite app of 2020: Calm

 

For as long as I can remember, I have had insomnia. As badly as I want to sleep, the moment my head hits the pillow, all of the thoughts from my day become front and center in my mind, projected like a giant screen in a drive-in movie field. I've tried every natural supplement, pre-bedtime yoga, warm milk + brandy (which is what my grandmother gave me as a child when I couldn't sleep. Worked then. Doesn't work now) and Indica gummies (which I had high hopes for but sadly, gave me vertigo.) I tried Ambien but it had the reverse effect on me and made me want to run around in circles in the cul-de-sac. 

So, I lay in bed. I count in Italian. I count in French. I list the Nato Phoenetic Alphabet (Alpha, Bravo, Charlie. . .) Then my mind drifts to thoughts of the day. Am I teaching Waverly everything I can about racism and how to be an ally? Is she going to having difficulty once she goes to school because she's been without other kids for almost a year? When will life ever be the same as it was? Did I put the leftovers in the fridge or are they still on the countertop?. . .

And on it goes until I finally drift off exhausted around 2 or 3 in the morning and then it feel like I've slept for mere minutes when I hear the baby call my name at 6am. 

Insomnia and anxiety are just what I've known my entire life. 

This sounds like a commercial spot, even as I write this but here we are. I discovered the Calm App (app store) or  Calm App (desktop) and here's the thing - it works. It WORKS. While there are a number of different calming activities, I found that listening to the stories, puts me right out. My favorite is "An Evening in Hyde Park." I have absolutely no idea how this audio story ends. What I do know is that Ramon Tikaram's voice is like warm honey. Whatever panic fills my mind, whatever tasks I didn't get accomplished, whatever conversation from the day that nags at me, stops. I lay with my head in the cool pillow, eyes closed and listen to the story. From "Dream With Me" (Harry Styles) to "Passages From Walden" (Alan Sklar), the Calm stories are a balm to my weary, tired brain. 

I've tried this with Waverly too. When we have had trying days, as only a 3 year-old can have, we cuddle on the rocking chair in her room and we listen to "Sienna the Sleepy Sloth" (David Williams) or "Bella's Bedtime Blanket" (Keegan Connor Tracy). Our breaths sync as we listen to the calm voices read to us. Often, we fall asleep under the blanket was we rock, her warm head tucked under my chin and her little fists clutching my robe close to her chest.

The Calm app isn't just for sleep, however. I have also used the Panic SOS grounding meditation (either a 4 minute or 10 minute exercise) which calmed my mind and made me conscious of my breaths. It is exactly what I needed to ground me and stop the panic that can run rampant if I don't stop it when the anxiety first sets in. 

In addition to stories, mediations and music, there are also calming environmental sounds like rain and ocean. Right now, I am listening to the "Morning Coffee" playlist and I have the beach with rolling waves set as my visual background. With the stress of not seeing family and friends over the holidays and thoughts of what I accomplished in 2020 (or rather, didn't accomplish), I still feel calm, and grounded. 

If 2020 has left you feel defeated or sad or if this Groundhog Day feeling has gone on long enough, get this app. Maybe what you need is a reminder to breathe and let the feeling pass. 

And then, at night, when the day is done, fall into bed knowing you did a good job. You made it through what is one of the most stressful times in our lives. We've made it past the Winter Solstice. The days are getting longer and soon we will be moving closer to life the way it used to be. For now, close your eyes, listen to a bedtime story and relax into sleep. Night night. You did good today.

The Calm app is $69.99 for a yearly subscription and includes meditations,  over 100 audio stories, music, calming environmental sounds, stretching videos and Calm Masterclasses. It is worth every penny.

My favorite gift to give this year: Trader Joe's L'Éclat 1990 Blanc de Blancs ($12.99!)

 

Every holiday season I usually feel inspired when I give gifts. This year, though, I haven't been hit by the spirit of Christmas yet. While I usually like to give experiences (event tickets / restaurant gift cards),  travel related gifts (miles/travel gadgets) or even glassybaby votives (they're restocking colors in 2021), none of these gifts I typically give feel right this year. I'm feeling lost.

I also miss my girlfriends who I haven't seen since the end of February. I miss flying back to Massachusetts and long brunches with endless Mimosas.  A frequent topic of conversation on our calls is the hopeless feeling of wondering when we'll actually see each again. Will life on Saturday morning ever be as simple and perfect again as brunch together? The thought seems hard to imagine at this point. 

This week, I was at Trader Joe's and I spotted this - a magnum (1.5L) of L'Éclat 1990 Blanc de Blancs Brut and Brut Rosé.  The double-size bottles are enormous, sparkly and gorgeous. The Brut leans towards fresh fruit notes with the Rosé skewing towards a sweeter cake flavor. Both, a steal at $12.99.  I picked up several bottles of both. With these in my cart, it felt like a promise of good things to come. I love these as a gift.

Wrap it, put a bow on it, add a handwritten note offering brunch nest year and this simple gift becomes a hopeful gesture, a gift of hope, of brunch mornings, celebrations and time spent together. Drop it off on someone's doorstep and you've left them a symbol of good things to come.

Giving this as a gift, I can't think of a better $12.99 I've ever spent. 

 L'Éclat 1990 Blanc de Blancs Brut and Brut Rosé are currently available through the holiday season at Trader Joe's store where wine is sold.

happy food: apple cider donut cake

Growing up in Massachusetts, apple cider donuts were as much a part of Sundays as Sunday Mass. Early Sunday morning, my grandparents and I would attend the early Mass in French, followed by breakfast at Abdow's, then a visit to Atkins Farms in Amherst for cider donuts. We would savor them warm, covered in cinnamon sugar and if the season was right, there would be fresh, cold apple cider. 

During our first visit to the East Coast when my daughter, Waverly, was six months old,  I took her to Atkins and she tried her first apple cider donut. We discovered that she inherited my same love for cider donuts. It's a tradition now. Each fall we visit local farm stands during apple season and we are lucky if we manage to bring home any cider donuts and not eat them all in the car on the way home!

With apple season now over, I decided that I wanted the tradition to stretch out a little longer.  I came across several recipes for baked (not fried) cider donuts and apple cider donut cakes and made them our own. Our first attempt was perfection. It's a very dense cake but it is so satisfying. I wouldn't change a thing. I hope you enjoy this taste of fall too. 

the glassybaby giving glow

 

There is something called the glassybaby glow. I've felt it every time I have received or given a glassybaby votive. It's a soft tingle when you open the simple white box with the white grosgrain ribbon. It's the way this handblown piece of art fits cool, heavy and perfect in your hand when you hold it. It's the hundreds of colors of votives from ethereal translucent sea blues to opaque, classic primary colors and wildly inspired limited editions and one-of-a-kinds (known as one of a kindness.)

I love giving someone a glassybaby that I chose just for them and watching how their smile evolves from "Oh, this is pretty!" to the way they beam when they tilt their head and take in the glow when they light the votive.  That eye lock that says "You get me. How did you know this is exactly what I needed right at this moment?" I've given glassybaby votives as I love you gifts, shower and wedding presents, birthday, anniversary and graduation presents and in lieu of sympathy flowers. Each time I knew that I was giving someone not just a gift but a feeling. 

It's a glow. A glow that started with the love story behind glassybaby, not romantic love, but the love of art, of creating something so wonderfully personal and the love that founder, Lee Rhodes, had for her community when she made the decision early on to help make her community a better place by donating a portion of each glassybaby to non-profits. 

If you've ever been the delighted recipient of a glassybaby, you've seen the enclosure card which reads

That's the glassybaby giving glow.  When you buy a glassybaby, $3 from the sale of your glassybaby is donated to the glassybaby foundation (formerly the glassybaby white light fund.) Think about this for a moment. $3 from each glassybaby amounts to millions of dollars donated to non-profits focused on people, animals and the planet. Since Lee founded glassybaby in 2001, over $10,700,000 has been donated to non-profits. It's a number that is humbling. 

For the past several months,  I have had the opportunity to be part of a team that helps select the baby grant recipients. The meetings included both Lee Rhodes and Executive Director of the glassybaby foundation, Eliza Cummings. Each month a different non-profit category is chosen. For October, it was health care heroes.  Eliza presented the nominated non-profit agencies, including their missions and client base served. Each of the non-profits presented were all so worthy but in the end, we selected three non-profits, each the recipient of a $5,000 baby grant.

October baby grant recipients 

supporting health care heroes

UChicago Medical for COVID-19, Chicago, Illinois

Provides employee with funds to help alleviate  personal burdens so they can continue to serve and care for their patients.

Response: "Wow -- thank you  so much! We are honored to receive funding from the glassybaby foundation! Thank you for this wonderful support!"

For the Frontlines, New York, New York

Provides free 24/7 crisis counseling for  health care and essential workers on the COVID-19 front line.

Response: "Thanks so much for reaching out and thinking of our org! We really appreciate the support, especially this year!"

Wyckoff Heights Medical center for COVID-19, Bronx, New York

Provides much needed equipment and supplies for front line workers. 

Response: "We are very grateful for this opportunity and for the generosity of the glassybaby enterprise and foundation, rooted in your mission to share kindness and hope to communities around the US. Thank you and we wish you much health to you and your team."

September baby grant recipients

For a Day Foundation

Creates emotionally therapeutic experiences for seriously ill children. 

Treehouse

Provides youth in foster care in Washington with academic and other essential support they need to graduate from high school and pursue their dreams.

Whatcom Family YMCA

Helping families by supporting them and their individual needs, especially during the pandemic. 

This holiday season, if you want the glassybaby giving glow of your own, glass blowers in the two Seattle hot shops are working hard to create just the perfect glassybaby for you or those who you will be gifting. What you are giving extends far beyond the glassybaby itself. When you purchase a glassybaby, you're keeping artists engaged in their work (especially crucial during this pandemic) while also helping non-profits enhance the lives of your community, both local and global. It's such a win all around. And there's that glow. You can't beat it. 

If you know of a non-profit who could benefit from a baby grant, click here for more information on nominations. 

(If you're wondering, if there is one glassybaby that fits all, hope, a creamy white, is perfect in any giving situation.)