Thought for the Week: put your phone down

I felt guilty the second I did it. While I was sitting with Waverly as she was having breakfast, I picked up my phone to scroll through email before starting our day. I glanced up and there she was. My eighteen month-old daughter had a silver dollar pancake in one hand, a strawberry in the other and she was smiling at me, trying to get my attention.

I FELT AWFUL.

I immediately put my phone down and celebrated her accomplishment of eating with two hands. There was no email or text message more important than my daughter knowing that she was my priority. While she wasn't the best conversationalist yet, she still watched my lips as I spoke and babbled back at me happily when I asked her a question. She deserved my full attention and to be honest, so does everyone else that I interact with.

When you're on your phone around others, this action conveys that what is happening on your mobile device is more important that the people or even the environment around you. I have a friend who is always on his phone. We have gone on extended drives (two hours+) where he stared at his phone the entire trip. I tried starting conversations. He would give me a monosyllabic reply and keep playing with his phone. Once when driving along the coast I said "Look a this. It's gorgeous," pointing to the surf and the sunset. He looked up, nodded his head and went back to a social media app. I gave up and turned the music up.

Spending time with someone who is always on their phone is not only unenjoyable but also a statement of boredom. I never want Waverly (or anyone else I am with) to think that what's on my phone is more important than being with them in that moment. I think of the funny or insightful moments I would have missed had I been looking at my phone instead of focused on Waverly. I think of the beauty I would have missed around me had I been focused on my phone than the amazing beauty of the Colorado Rockies from 35,000 feet above.

This week, see what happens when you leave your phone in another room during dinner. At lunch when you're eating alone, look around you. Maybe you'll be filled with joy watching the way the sun hits the water feature outside. Maybe you'll catch the eye of someone who is trying to stay off their phone too. Maybe you'll make a new friend.

Waverly taught me a good lesson as she smiled at me and waited for me to look up at her. You can't get back moments in your life. If you don't pay attention you just might miss something wonderful.

thought for the week: be kind

When I think of the people that I am drawn to, I realize that they all have one thing in common: they are kind. Kind people have a glow. Dogs like them. Children are drawn to them. Good things seem to happen to them.

When you decide to be kind to yourself, to other people, to animals, your world can't help but become a wonderful place to exist in. I'm not suggesting that by being kind you will suddenly find yourself in a beachfront cottage with a seven figure bank account but rather, the riches come in the shape of a life that is surrounded by good people who are drawn to you like a bee to honeysuckle on a June morning.

Being kind means letting someone merge in front of you in traffic. It means dropping a note in the mail to someone just to say "Hi. I was thinking of you!" Being kind means staying off your phone and being present when you're with your partner, your kids or your friends. It means dropping off dog toys/food/new fluffy towels at your local no-kill pet shelter.  Being kind means picking up after yourself so no one else has to. It means loving someone when they make it a challenge. It means forgiving yourself and moving forward.

I believe that you can cultivate kindness, even if you grew up in a less than kind environment. It's a choice. I keep this in mind every day with our eighteen month-old daughter, Waverly. When I want to rush her along when she is slow because has discovered something that has captured her attention, I think "Taylor, stop. You have time. Let her discover the way the snow sounds under her feet  as she stomps along the path." Every morning when she wakes up, we cuddle and I tell her all the wonderful things that she is. The very first thing I tell her is that she is loved. I say "Waverly, Mama and Papa love you  more than sunshine, more than the ocean and the waves and all the wonderful things in this beautiful world. We love you!" The second thing I tell her is this "You are kind. You and I and daddy love all people and animals!" (Then it varies after this. We tell her she is compassionate and resilient and smart and brave. . ." but most of all she is loved and she is kind.

This week, focus on being kind to others and to yourself. That's really where happy starts. Just be kind.

Happily,

Taylor

thought for the week: play

I think as adults we've forgotten how to play. How to just play. There are jobs to go to. Partners, pets and kids to tend to, bills to be paid. There is housework to be done and family obligations that take up  any free time. When we do make time for ourselves, it's usually for things we know we need to do like working out at the gym. That isn't playing. When I finish I working out, I know that I did something good for my body but I never finish my treadmill workout thinking "Wow! That was so much fun!"

This was a long weekend that was filled with things that needed to be done. We did a deep clean of our closet and spent time with the baby, making sure she was happy as we try to teach her to be a well-adjusted, well-rounded individual. We grocery shopped and did chores around the house. As we collapsed together on the sofa last night I looked at my husband and said "You know what? We forgot to do something this weekend."

L turned to me and said, "Impossible. We did everything on the list."

"Yeah, we did everything on the list but we didn't have fun. We need an extra day of the weekend now to just play."

That's the problem. We pack our weeks and especially our weekends full of things that we are supposed to do and by Sunday night we are wiped out and not energized for another work week. After realizing last night that we were both so exhausted from a weekend of chores, I vowed that next weekend we would book time just for play. We wouldn't think about whether it was educational for the baby or whether we would get the garage cleaned out. Next weekend, and every weekend after we would book time just for us to play as a family. I think we need that time to relax and laugh just as much as we need food. water, air and sleep to survive. With play added in, then we thrive.

So, whether it's rolling around the floor with your favorite person or animal, coloring or building a snow fort, this week make time to breathe and play. And laugh. How can you not feel happy when you feel like a kid again?

thought for the week: February 11, 2019

When I think about the people I admire and trust, I realized that one commonality is that I never hear them talk about other people negatively. They will lift others up, even if it is a competitor. I once had a friend talk about a colleague who got a promotion over her (one that she desperately wanted and thought she had). I wouldn't have blamed her if she talked negatively about the guy who did get the job but instead she said "He deserved the promotion.  He worked as hard as I did. This just shows me that I need to hone my skills further. I'm going to meet with my mentor so I'm ready the next time an opportunity comes along." This shocked me. I was expecting her to be furious.  I respected her for taking this approach. It was such a lesson in grace. I think about how often we tend to talk negatively about people.

We don't mean to hurt anyone when we say something negative about someone behind their backs, but when we do this, it just makes people around us think that we will do the same thing to them when they aren't there. I think about the times I was in a conversation when we were talking negatively about someone.  I felt dirty, especially if it was a friend. Several years ago I made it a point to stop talking behind someone's back. I wouldn't take part in these conversations. I realized though, that you can take this one step forward.

If you want people to like you, to trust you, if you want to feel good about yourself, talk positively about someone behind his or her back and mean it.  It's a lesson that I practice every day.  It can be a challenge at first when everyone around you is gossiping and it feels harmless to join in but there is no such thing as harmless gossiping. Be the one who stands up for someone. Be the one who has someone else's back. Be that person who can be trusted.

Here's to a happy week!

Thought for the Week February 4

Maybe you're at a crossroads.

Maybe you don't know which path to take.

Close your eyes. Ask yourself the question.

Don't think about what you should do or what is expected of you.

You know the right answer. Listen.

Trust your instincts.

You are the smartest person in your world and no one knows the right answer but you. Now got put that into action.

Nice job, buttercup.

thought for the week

I was having a deep discussion with someone last week and it got intense. Trying to convey my feelings was hard. I took care to choose my words thoughtfully as I focused on a piece of lint sitting perfectly poised on my knee. As I looked up at her to see if she was getting my point, I could see that she wasn't really listening. She was staring at me, chewing on her lower lip, impatiently waiting for me to finish what I was saying so she could either tell me her thoughts or change the subject to something lighter.

I stopped what I was saying mid-sentence because it was so distracting. I paused. She quickly jumped in to give me her thoughts on what I was saying and in the same sentence, changed the topic to a new reality show she was watching. 

I felt dejected, as if what I had said was either too hard to discuss or wasn't important to her. I let it go but I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling annoyed. There were several moments when I wanted to finish the conversation from earlier but I realized that it just wasn't going to happen. I was anxious to end our visit and just head home. 

This morning I thought about that conversation and how little I felt knowing that the friend I was talking with wasn't really listening, but waiting (clearly impatiently) to say something, which literally had nothing to do with the topic that was so important to me. Then, I realized that I too, have been guilty of this. I remembered a girlfriend who was telling me about an issue that she was having at work. I had been through exactly the same thing and I couldn't wait to tell her how I handled it. I interrupted her. It was wrong of me and I realized later that I should have let her talk and not been so quick to take over the conversation, regardless of my motives.

It's a natural thing to want to align ourselves with each other, to try and fix things. It's also natural to feel so uncomfortable in a difficult conversation that you just want to change the topic. The thing is, is that there is so much to be gained by quieting ourselves and just listening. Sometimes there is no solution to a problem we're having. Just talking makes it better. Yes, there are some conversations that are hard to hear but a good relationship, a solid one, means that you support someone. In the silence and the eye contact, there is magic. I can't even count how many realizations I have had simply by talking my thoughts through to family members/friends/colleagues who had the great ability to just listen. What they did for me in those moments was allow me to gain clarity that I wouldn't have had if they had just jumped in. 

The conversation last week was a good lesson for me. Sometimes the greatest gifts are in the silence.